What it looks like for me

It wasn’t until I started counselling others that had more severe symptoms than I had that I realized I was living with mild depression for years. I knew about the anxiety, and was medicated for it. I wasn’t having panic attacks, I was “coping” with the trauma I lived through. I stopped dwelling about things that caused me distress, my life was simplified. Go to work, go home, sleep. I stopped doing things outside of my hospital shift work life. I had purpose, I was helping people. I finally felt useful and needed. 2 years of this, with a decrease in hours once I got the best thing in my life (baby dog), I didn’t know I wasn’t living, I was working, I was paying the bills. I was doing the same thing everyday and I wasn’t changing. That’s what I see now, in retrospect… change is what allows us to grow. When we stop growing, we get stuck and our souls are stuck. Our souls aren’t meant to be still, they are searching for something, always. My soul was so sedentary, I lost the drive to make any changes, any new experiences. It wasn’t until I made a big change that I could even see this. That being said, change isn’t always fun or easy. Thank god for change, sometimes unintentional, but regardless, thank god.